Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Abigail Grace Slade
It's been almost 3 months since my last blog post. For starters, I'm just not very good at this whole blog thing, but we have had a lot going on in the past 2 months. Here is just a small glimpse of that.
In my last post I wrote about the exciting news of the Lord opening my womb and being pregnant. What a miracle that was and how excited we were. Another thing that I did not include in that post was that we had put our house on the market (to free ourselves up somewhat for the arrival of the baby in October) and to our shock we had a contract on it within 3 weeks. In addition to that, my cousin and his wife had offered to let us borrow their 7 seater vehicle while they were in Hawaii (he is in the military and getting transferred there). It seemed as though everything was working out as we anticipated the arrival of the baby in October.
Then, after an ultrasound at one of my doctor's appointments, they sent me to get a high level ultrasound to check my placenta and possibly some fluid on the baby's abdomen. We went for the ultrasound and that is when we got the news that we had never expected. Our baby had a cystic hygroma and hydrops (fluid on the heart, abdomen, lungs, and skull) and was not expected to live. The doctor told us that she probably had Turner's syndrome and with all the complications she would not live to term. They anticipated she would die in the next 4-6 weeks. WOW! That is pretty shocking news that is very hard to hear. We told our families and friends and then tried to process everything. Many things were a blur for a while. I remember trying to make a conscious effort to continue to give our boys as much time and energy as I could muster up. We had to continue living our lives . . . only now we continued with the knowledge that our little girl was very sick.
I am grateful for God's grace! Not that a minute of what we were going through was easy, but throughout every moment He sustained us. We KNEW that God was sovereign, that He had ordained all of it. Now we continued to hope that the Lord would heal our daughter - we certainly knew that He could. However, we also knew that He might not. We had said from day one that we would give God all honor and praise . . . in the good and in the bad. We had said it, now we had to live it. Not of our own accord, but through Christ.
The days to follow were hard. We had frequent dr appointments and I continued to grow (actually quite fast at this point!) There was no question that I was pregnant. Strangers frequently commented on my pregnant belly, often asking when I was due and if I knew what I was having. Usually I would just answer complete strangers as though everything was normal. Sometimes I did go into more of the details, often I did not. We went to the doctor weekly in hopes to hear our daughter's heartbeat.
The day came when we went in and did not hear that heartbeat that we had grown to love. Our daughter had passed away in my womb. I was far enough along that I would go through labor and deliver our daughter. A couple of days later we checked into the hospital to have labor induced. After a rough 22 hours our little girl was born. Abigail Grace Slade. 1 lb 12 oz. She was tiny. Her body was filled with fluid, but she was perfect . . . she was exactly how the Lord had created her. I am beyond grateful and cherish the short time that Todd and I got to hold her on this earth. One of the hardest things I have ever done is watch the nurses take her from the room. At that point we knew that we would never see our daughter on earth again.
BUT, we are confident that she is in heaven with the Father now. In a perfect body, never knowing pain or suffering, and worshipping the Father. For her, it could be no better. For us, we will grieve, but we will grieve with a peace knowing that God is still good. I still have days that are hard .. . and I'm sure that I will have many more. We could ask, "why?" We will probably never have a definite answer to that question. What we do know is that the Lord will use this to continue to make us more like Him. To grow our faith, increase our dependence on Him, and ensure that He gets the glory. The gospel has already been shared multiple times because of our Abigail. It may sound as though I don't struggle very much . . . I do. I do not always feel like these things are true. But I praise the Father that His promises and His Word are not based on my feelings. His promises and His Word are true. And the Lord gives grace and sustains. That is what I will cling to. I pray that the Lord will continue to use Abigail, a little girl who never saw daylight, to further the gospel and transform lives.
"And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21
Friday, April 20, 2012
It's been a while . . . .
So, it's been a few months since I was on here. And even now it is almost midnight, but just a night that I could not sleep for various reasons. So, here I am finally blogging, secretly hoping that it will make me sleepy so I can go lay down and turn off my brain and go to sleep.
In the past 3 months quite a bit has happened. There is a reason that I have not blogged very much. Quite frankly it was due to lack of energy. Normally, that's not an issue with me. Despite having a 1 and 2 yr old and just being busy and on the go all the time I still typically have no problem keeping up. But, something has changed and now I struggle to keep up. For a couple of months I struggled to keep my eyes open for much of the day. At work it became a running joke that by 10AM I would be yawning. I would often think of pulling into our neighborhood on the way home and taking nap before I walked through the door to meet my sweet boys. I often couldn't think straight (still can't) and noticed that I was often so tired that my patience grew very thin . . . especially with those I love the most. I sometimes couldn't eat. I no longer had the energy to exercise and found my time with the Lord being a struggle. I struggled to keep my eyes open and study His Word, even though I desired to do so.
So, exactly what is going on with me? Why the drastic change? My body was changing - in a way that I had never experienced before! As quite a surprise and such an amazing blessing, all of these changes are from me being pregnant!! Todd and I will always remember the day that we found out . .. the shock and somewhat disbelief at first.
After several years of struggling with infertility we had worked through many ups and downs, many tears, many questions, many difficult discussions . . . and had a peace. We knew that our God was sovereign - that He is the One who opens and closes the womb. We had adopted Jeremiah and Joshua . . . and each of them TRULY are such a blessing from the Lord. I could not imagine our lives without them. It still amazes me to look at how God placed each of them with us and how they fit so perfectly. It amazes me at how much those 2 little boys love each other already - they are almost like twins. They don't enjoy being separated . . . even to go to sleep at night!! Todd and I had talked about whether we wanted more children - we had always said yes. Around Christmas, however, I told Todd that yes, I wanted more, but I felt like my head was about to spin off (scary, I know). I felt like our lives were constantly hurried and rushed and with all the extra hustle and bustle of December it just hit me . . . I just want life to slow down a little and enjoy each other. And that was the end of that conversation.
A couple of weeks later we were in the car (this is when Todd and I actually talk) on our way to Rome and Todd told me, "I think you're going to get pregnant." My response, "Uhm, ok. Whatever you think, dear." He continued to tell me that he didn't know why he felt this way, but he did. That weekend we were at a church service in Rome (where Todd got to baptize his nephew Slade) and someone there shared a story of how after not thinking she could get pregnant, she did. And the struggles that they had and so on. It was quite a story of God's grace and blessing upon their life. Of course the story is a little different for Todd and I than for some people since we had struggled with infertility for 6 years. After the service Todd asked me what I thought. The whole time she was talking I had thoughts pop into my head of how I wish that were us . . . but every time I would go back to KNOWING that the Lord is sovereign . . . and how He has given us so much and blessed us SO richly, when we deserve nothing. I am a wretched sinner and deserve death - not to have a God who loves me and has miraculously saved me and blessed me beyond measure. In my mind, if I never got pregnant it truly was ok. Not to say that I would never have difficult moments, but to say that I rest in Him . . . and that is enough. Todd essentially felt the same . . . but remember he still thinks that I'm going to get pregnant!!
It was only a few weeks after this that we found out I was pregnant. I took 2 pregnancy tests just to make sure :) After 6 years the Lord had opened my womb. People often tell us that it is because we adopted and I finally relaxed. Maybe . . . but what I do know without any question is that the Lord opened my womb and allowed that to happen, and to happen in His timing. I do not think that adoption was a magic pill for me getting pregnant - our God is sovereign - He gives and He sustains life!! May we never take His blessings (even those that we think are small or insignificant) for granted!!
In the past 3 months quite a bit has happened. There is a reason that I have not blogged very much. Quite frankly it was due to lack of energy. Normally, that's not an issue with me. Despite having a 1 and 2 yr old and just being busy and on the go all the time I still typically have no problem keeping up. But, something has changed and now I struggle to keep up. For a couple of months I struggled to keep my eyes open for much of the day. At work it became a running joke that by 10AM I would be yawning. I would often think of pulling into our neighborhood on the way home and taking nap before I walked through the door to meet my sweet boys. I often couldn't think straight (still can't) and noticed that I was often so tired that my patience grew very thin . . . especially with those I love the most. I sometimes couldn't eat. I no longer had the energy to exercise and found my time with the Lord being a struggle. I struggled to keep my eyes open and study His Word, even though I desired to do so.
So, exactly what is going on with me? Why the drastic change? My body was changing - in a way that I had never experienced before! As quite a surprise and such an amazing blessing, all of these changes are from me being pregnant!! Todd and I will always remember the day that we found out . .. the shock and somewhat disbelief at first.
After several years of struggling with infertility we had worked through many ups and downs, many tears, many questions, many difficult discussions . . . and had a peace. We knew that our God was sovereign - that He is the One who opens and closes the womb. We had adopted Jeremiah and Joshua . . . and each of them TRULY are such a blessing from the Lord. I could not imagine our lives without them. It still amazes me to look at how God placed each of them with us and how they fit so perfectly. It amazes me at how much those 2 little boys love each other already - they are almost like twins. They don't enjoy being separated . . . even to go to sleep at night!! Todd and I had talked about whether we wanted more children - we had always said yes. Around Christmas, however, I told Todd that yes, I wanted more, but I felt like my head was about to spin off (scary, I know). I felt like our lives were constantly hurried and rushed and with all the extra hustle and bustle of December it just hit me . . . I just want life to slow down a little and enjoy each other. And that was the end of that conversation.
A couple of weeks later we were in the car (this is when Todd and I actually talk) on our way to Rome and Todd told me, "I think you're going to get pregnant." My response, "Uhm, ok. Whatever you think, dear." He continued to tell me that he didn't know why he felt this way, but he did. That weekend we were at a church service in Rome (where Todd got to baptize his nephew Slade) and someone there shared a story of how after not thinking she could get pregnant, she did. And the struggles that they had and so on. It was quite a story of God's grace and blessing upon their life. Of course the story is a little different for Todd and I than for some people since we had struggled with infertility for 6 years. After the service Todd asked me what I thought. The whole time she was talking I had thoughts pop into my head of how I wish that were us . . . but every time I would go back to KNOWING that the Lord is sovereign . . . and how He has given us so much and blessed us SO richly, when we deserve nothing. I am a wretched sinner and deserve death - not to have a God who loves me and has miraculously saved me and blessed me beyond measure. In my mind, if I never got pregnant it truly was ok. Not to say that I would never have difficult moments, but to say that I rest in Him . . . and that is enough. Todd essentially felt the same . . . but remember he still thinks that I'm going to get pregnant!!
It was only a few weeks after this that we found out I was pregnant. I took 2 pregnancy tests just to make sure :) After 6 years the Lord had opened my womb. People often tell us that it is because we adopted and I finally relaxed. Maybe . . . but what I do know without any question is that the Lord opened my womb and allowed that to happen, and to happen in His timing. I do not think that adoption was a magic pill for me getting pregnant - our God is sovereign - He gives and He sustains life!! May we never take His blessings (even those that we think are small or insignificant) for granted!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Grandmama
February 10, 1914 - December 29, 2011
Those are the years that my sweet Grandmama was here on earth. I have so many fond memories of Grandmama (my dad's mom). She was a lady who loved the Lord - I remember often when visiting her and spending the night with her (and Pop) that every morning she would be up reading her Bible. This was how she started EVERY day. She was always confident in her faith and trusted her Savior. In addition to being a godly grandmother, she was an AMAZING cook!! No one could cook like grandmama, whether it was chicken strips, fried squash, biscuits, mashed potatoes, or a cake or pie, it was ALL wonderful!! She always make extra biscuits on Sunday and I would eat the extra biscuits almost every Sunday when I went to visit. My grandmother was also able to do just about anything - no task was too big. She was a hard worker, no one could argue that point. I think that pretty much every one liked her . . . none of the family can remember anyone who didn't like her! She was feisty - I loved this about her - maybe that's cause I can bit a little bit like her!! She was known for being quite stubborn also - my husband would tell you that I hold that trait as well :) And she was always laughing - whether she was talking to one of her friends on the phone or trying to tell a joke - she frequently couldn't finish telling jokes because she would be laughing too hard - and you would always end up laughing also, not at the joke she couldn't finish, but at her laughing - it was definitely contagious!!
Grandmama was very special . . . maybe because I'm a lot like her. She had gotten pretty sick over the past couple of years and it was difficult to see her not being herself. So, for that I am grateful that she is no longer suffering here in her earthly body in her temporary home. Though I miss being with her and spending time with her, I can smile and have great peace in knowing that she is now praising her Creator and in His presence - THAT is true healing - physical and spiritual!! Her faith has been realized!! I rejoice in that and am so thankful that the Lord blessed me to have her as Grandmama!!
Those are the years that my sweet Grandmama was here on earth. I have so many fond memories of Grandmama (my dad's mom). She was a lady who loved the Lord - I remember often when visiting her and spending the night with her (and Pop) that every morning she would be up reading her Bible. This was how she started EVERY day. She was always confident in her faith and trusted her Savior. In addition to being a godly grandmother, she was an AMAZING cook!! No one could cook like grandmama, whether it was chicken strips, fried squash, biscuits, mashed potatoes, or a cake or pie, it was ALL wonderful!! She always make extra biscuits on Sunday and I would eat the extra biscuits almost every Sunday when I went to visit. My grandmother was also able to do just about anything - no task was too big. She was a hard worker, no one could argue that point. I think that pretty much every one liked her . . . none of the family can remember anyone who didn't like her! She was feisty - I loved this about her - maybe that's cause I can bit a little bit like her!! She was known for being quite stubborn also - my husband would tell you that I hold that trait as well :) And she was always laughing - whether she was talking to one of her friends on the phone or trying to tell a joke - she frequently couldn't finish telling jokes because she would be laughing too hard - and you would always end up laughing also, not at the joke she couldn't finish, but at her laughing - it was definitely contagious!!
Grandmama was very special . . . maybe because I'm a lot like her. She had gotten pretty sick over the past couple of years and it was difficult to see her not being herself. So, for that I am grateful that she is no longer suffering here in her earthly body in her temporary home. Though I miss being with her and spending time with her, I can smile and have great peace in knowing that she is now praising her Creator and in His presence - THAT is true healing - physical and spiritual!! Her faith has been realized!! I rejoice in that and am so thankful that the Lord blessed me to have her as Grandmama!!
Christmas 2011 - A season of travelling!!
First of all, let me say that I am so thankful that we got the chance to see so much of our family during Christmas this year. It is always a struggle and not every year that we get to see so many people. We started off by heading to Gainesville on the 23rd to see my family. We got together with my mom's side of the family that night for food, fun, good company and gift exchange - both real gifts and all the silly gag gifts that come around each year. This year's winning gag was a scary Michael Jackson look alike painting - it really was a bit creepy. The next morning we exchanged gifts and had time with just my parents and my sister and Lev. From there we went to Grandmama's house to see my dad's side of the family - that was such a sweet time to see all of my family that I really don't get to see nearly as often as I would like. From there we headed back to Griffin for the Christmas Eve service and made it through the hour long service with our 2 sweet boys in there with us. phew!!! From there we carried on a Christmas Eve tradition that we started last year - Pizza!! So, we ate some pizza and then rode around Griffin looking at Christmas lights . . . mostly tacky ones cause that's what Jeremiah likes best!! Christmas morning we got up and gathered with our faith family at Second - so thankful to be in the Lord's house on the day we celebrate the birth of our Savior, who came to redeem us!! After the service we headed to Rome and spent the night. That following day we did our annual scavenger hunt at the Slades's and enjoyed our time there. That night Todd and I came back to Griffin while the boys enjoyed one more day/night with Mimi and Papa!!
It was quite a whirlwind with all that travelling and quite exhausting as well. But in the end I am so grateful for both of our families and the time that we could spend with each of them. We are truly blessed beyond measure with our earthly families!!
It was quite a whirlwind with all that travelling and quite exhausting as well. But in the end I am so grateful for both of our families and the time that we could spend with each of them. We are truly blessed beyond measure with our earthly families!!
Savannah 1/2 Marathon
Back at the beginning of Nov, I ran in the Savannah Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon with some sweet friends!! This was my second 1/2 marathon. I had run in one almost exactly a year before that in Nov of 2010 in Columbus, GA and said that I would probably NEVER do that again. I had not trained very well, but was determined to make it through, which I did, but couldn't walk for a week afterward. So, this time I was determined to do a little better job training. I had signed up in June and had PLENTY of time to train. Well, I didn't really get serious til maybe September, but still had plenty of time. I started out with some solo runs, which was fine for short runs, but quickly realized that I needed some companionship and accountability and motivation for some of those longer runs! I ran a lot with Angela L. and through her got to meet Stephanie J and run with her some also. I did enjoy the time that I got to spend with these 2 ladies in the process. It made the running much better (as I frequently questioned why I had signed up for this silly race!)
So, race time came and we all headed down to Savannah - Jon and Michele, Doug and Angela, and Jennifer B and myself. All in the minivan . . . by the way, I get car sick and sitting in the back was not a great idea. Felt kinda rotten and switched it up for the last hour before we got to the expo. Sat in lots of traffic to get there, but got there, met Chuck, and picked up our numbers! We then met David and Angela at Carrabas for dinner. The wait was FOREVER, so we decided to sit out in the FREEZING COLD to eat. From there we were going to Darien to stay with the Cecil's. Angela offered to let me stay with her and David in the camper and honestly the thought of not getting back in the minivan that made me so sick for another hour was so appealing that I couldn't turn it down. I think I slept a LITTLE that night, only to get back up at dark-thirty to get ready for the race. We got there and once again it was FREEZING!! We started though and I must admit I was a little nervous . . . I have NO idea why I should be nervous about running, but I was. I started and was doing great until my knee started hurting around mile 6 (I had been having trouble with my IT band for about a month prior on long runs!) It hurt so bad I almost fell in the middle of the street. I stopped, did a little stretching, some praying and handing it over to the Lord, and started back up, hoping for the best. Thankfully, the pain subsided and I finished well. 2:07 That was better than I had hoped for so I was pretty excited.
Not sure if I will do another. I would like to . . . but we will see.
So, race time came and we all headed down to Savannah - Jon and Michele, Doug and Angela, and Jennifer B and myself. All in the minivan . . . by the way, I get car sick and sitting in the back was not a great idea. Felt kinda rotten and switched it up for the last hour before we got to the expo. Sat in lots of traffic to get there, but got there, met Chuck, and picked up our numbers! We then met David and Angela at Carrabas for dinner. The wait was FOREVER, so we decided to sit out in the FREEZING COLD to eat. From there we were going to Darien to stay with the Cecil's. Angela offered to let me stay with her and David in the camper and honestly the thought of not getting back in the minivan that made me so sick for another hour was so appealing that I couldn't turn it down. I think I slept a LITTLE that night, only to get back up at dark-thirty to get ready for the race. We got there and once again it was FREEZING!! We started though and I must admit I was a little nervous . . . I have NO idea why I should be nervous about running, but I was. I started and was doing great until my knee started hurting around mile 6 (I had been having trouble with my IT band for about a month prior on long runs!) It hurt so bad I almost fell in the middle of the street. I stopped, did a little stretching, some praying and handing it over to the Lord, and started back up, hoping for the best. Thankfully, the pain subsided and I finished well. 2:07 That was better than I had hoped for so I was pretty excited.
Not sure if I will do another. I would like to . . . but we will see.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Southern Belle Farms
This fall we (actually I thought and Todd just went along for the ride) it would be fun to visit a pumpkin farm. So,realizing that our boys are still too young to truly appreciate it, we took a beautiful Saturday afternoon and visited Southern Belle Farms in McDonough. They had some farm animals that J-man loved. We rode in the little cow train, and just enjoyed being together as a family. 
I can't believe he's already 2 . . .
Yes, it is hard for me to believe that Jeremiah is 2!! Some days he has those terrible temper tantrums that very much remind me that he is 2, but my oh my, how time has flown. I can still remember when we first met him - he was so short and soooo chubby. I don't think chubby even begins to describe him. He has grown and changed tremendously. Now he looks like a little boy. Here are a few pics of his birthday. Nothing fancy - just good times with family and a Thomas the Train cake for J-man.
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